Day 6 ~ MOM

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I probably should have journaled then.  But, I gave myself a break.  After all, it was Mother's Day, and I'm a mama (or momma... How is that spelled anyway?)

Started the day the usual way with coffee and protein... and my little guy.  Good way to start the day.  I'd thought and thought about how to celebrate my mom today and hubby's mom... Should I buy them a gift? Nah... it'll just sit and collect dust in their already filled homes.  I decided time together would be best and some loving words... and maybe some love from the kitchen.  So, I got started...  Son and I just picked fresh strawberries a few days ago.  Tons of fun that left us with a fridge full...  That's it - strawberry pie for mom.  She loves it.  A special treat.  Hmm... chocolate covered strawberries for mom-in-law.  She'll appreciate that.  Made them, boxed them nicely with pink tissue paper and ribbons.  Gifts of love from the kitchen ready...  Cards signed with loving words from hubby and me... and we're off... But, wait... I love flowers on Mother's Day.  They will too.  Clipped a few gardenias for each of them...  Ahh, gardenias...

First stop to see the Mother-In-Law...  Little boy standing at the glass window with card in hand.  "I have a card for you, Grandmother..."  She melted.  Success.  A short visit.  We love her and appreciate her.  She's the best I could ever hope for.

Next stop... to visit MY MOM.  How to sum up my mom?  She's the most generous and giving person I've ever met.  She loves and adores her grandchildren.  She's had a life which has hardened her a bit, but she still laughs and gets joy out of little things.  I am so grateful for her.  She has taught me many things and has instilled in me a strength and independence I would not have if it weren't for her.  I love my mom...  I love the memories... for there are many...

As I was sitting and thinking last night after our daily visits, I thought of my Grandmothers ~ one Italian and one Southern.  How I miss them both!  I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to learn from both of these strong-willed women.  I am thankful for them... for the stories they shared, the memories we created, their recipes I tasted... that I still try to recreate...  They just don't come out the same...

I remember Nannie at her kitchen table with the sound of the air conditioner humming in the background and fans buzzing on a hot summer day with the tea kettle on and something yummy on the stove (fried chicken probably).  I wish I could go back to that kitchen table... just one more time.  She loved gardening, and I remember loving her daffodils.  I miss her.

Grandma in the kitchen... making "gravy" (tomato sauce) for an Italian feast... manicotti, fresh bread, salad, meatballs, eggplant... dessert... cream puffs or Italian wedding cookies... I can still smell it.  She'd slip me some money...  "Don't tell Grandpa", she'd say...  I want to go back to her dining room table one more time.  I miss her.

... and it hits me how important it is to continue these visits to see my mom and my mother-in-law... for these will be my son's memories... and no one will make a meal like his Sheemee or Grandmother.

Day 5 - Rest and Regroup

What a fun trip we had! Nothing like time with girlfriends. Ahh, the therapy. Retail therapy. Music therapy. Spa therapy. Friendship therapy. All wrapped up in a 27 hour trip. Fantastic. Much-needed. Note to self- do this every few months.

As much as I realize I am so blessed in so many ways, I don't really "feel it" until I'm gone. Away from my everyday life. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Yes, yes it does.

I woke up this morning feeling well rested with the exception of the minor hangover, the "worth it-dance and jam out with a few draft beers-worth it" hangover. Grateful #1 this morning for SLEEP. Sleep is an awesome thing. No alarm clock this morning, no wake-up call from the handsome 2-year old in the other room. Grateful. Sleep.

Back home. Resting. Baby is napping. Hubby is studying. Reflecting on the trip. Grateful for new experiences and impromptu plans that create memories. Thankful for memories and pictures that bring us back... or a song... a scent...

In between the random thoughts, the lawn mower is buzzing in the background, on this beautiful spring day. Thankful for my neighbors and this safe neighborhood we live in. Grateful for the sounds of people taking care of their homes and yards, the smell of someone doing their laundry, laughter... a car slowly whizzing by, the birds chirping in the background...

This is what weekends are for...

Day 4 - Do I Deserve This? Why yes, yes I do!

Wow! Day 4 is unlike any other I have ever had. Ever. 1st girlfriend road trip. Wow. After 2 1/2 years of being a mom and 5 years of being a wife, I think it's time for a little road trip. Just an overnight. Me and my besties. To see my favorite band. I feel lucky. And blessed. And happy today. The weather is perfect. Grateful for that #1. I love perfect weather, most especially for outdoor concerts. My church. My religion sometimes. My therapy. Love.

As I sit in the salon (did I just say that?) with my 2 besties (last time we did this was my wedding day), I realize I have a wonderful life that has been graced with good friends. The best. These 2 girls have been in my life 27 years now. 27. Twenty-seven. Wow. Awesome. We've been through it all- together.Death.Life.Weddings.Funerals.Fun.Sad.Happy.Babies, oh babies. I love having them by my side. Love them. They are unique and different from me, but in some ways we were cut from the same cloth... and they understand my history unlike any other. I'm grateful they are my friends. I'm grateful I can laugh with them and cry with them, go months in between talking to them... but we pick right up like time has not changed. Time unchanged. Awesome.

Day 3 - Every Day is a Test-

Day 3 found me the opposite of yesterday, waking up earlier than usual to the annoying sound of the alarm clock. Ugh. It's Thursday... Thursdays are long days. Longer than any other day. Work in the office all day, stop and pick up little boy on the way home. A visit with the in-laws, always nice, but means home around 7pm. Though, today's schedule is a little different. Hubby is studying (err...cramming) for a big exam coming up on Tuesday. He's stressed. I've been there. I've taken the very same test. It's hard. It's too much info. Ugh... brain hurts from numbers and formulas and definitions and a new language or jargon... I get it. I understand. So in an effort to help him, I volunteer to drop off our son at the in-laws. Must leave early to get there, get him settled and get to work on time... I can do this.

As I race through the house packing bags for the day, making lunch, getting my work together and getting clothes ready, I stop... at the dining room table where my hubby's books are piled up. Piled. Up. Notes upon notes. Where is a blank piece of paper? Without really thinking much, I find a blank sheet, and I write at the top... "POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS"....and it continues with a note to hubby in an effort to help him during this stressful next few days... "YOU CAN DO THIS. WRITE "I WILL PASS THIS EXAM" SEVERAL TIMES, RECITE IT, BELIEVE IT... ASK FOR GOD TO HELP YOU CLEAR YOUR MIND, HELP YOU FOCUS, HELP YOU DRAW THE CONCLUSIONS, RID YOUR BODY OF NERVOUSNESS AND FEAR. YOU "GOT" THIS. I LOVE YOU."

Off to work. Baby dressed. Drop him off. Give him "extra" kisses to keep in his hands for when he misses me today. He can pull them out whenever he needs them. In the car, guzzling my coffee (again), it hits me: Those words I wrote for hubby this morning were meant for me too. Every day. For every day has its "TEST" of its own. Why don't I tell myself these same positive affirmations every morning? I need to. I'll start... today.

So, #1 item to be grateful for is this lesson that's hitting me in the face this morning. Positive affirmations. Thank you God for the reminder.

As I continue to drive (it's a lengthy drive), it hits me again as I'm searching my brain for the gratitude I have this morning... My inlaws. How did I get so lucky? They met me at the car with love in their eyes and smiles on their faces. Both of them. Together. I am SO grateful for them! My father-in-law is so intelligent. He's a book with many colorful chapters and awesome stories. He's fun! His children and grandchildren are his world. I respect and love that. It's who I want to be.

My mother-in-law in her apron this morning, busy in the kitchen making a healthy breakfast for her grandson. She greets me with a bowl of veggies to take for lunch. She's thoughtful and kind, always visiting a friend who needs her or preparing a meal to take. Like her husband, her children and grandchildren are her world. I am grateful for her. It's who I want to be.

So, day 3... Before I get to work... Today I'm thankful for my lesson in positive affirmations, my father-in-law and mother-in-law. It's going to be a good day.

Day 2

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Day 2 allowed me to sleep in a bit, for on this day, Wednesdays, I work from home.  Easy peasy.  1st thing I'm grateful for today... the opportunity to work from home.  I've been a loyal employee for 16 years, and it's paid off.  For all the years I worked when I thought I wasn't being paid my worth, I'm glad I stayed... I'm glad I persisted with education and have now found myself able to do a job from home one day a week, take off another day each week and float into the office on just 3 days.  The years of the long commute were worth it.  I'm blessed with a boss who is encouraging and appreciative, who says he'd get upset if he heard I missed my child's important moment in life because of work.  He says children are important and not to miss anything.  I couldn't agree more.  But how nice it is to have your boss agree.  I'm really lucky.

Yet, it's one thing to have a great boss and an opportunity to work from home, and it's another to make it reality.  Reality comes when you have friends who will help make it happen.  The friends I refer to here go by another title too:  my co-workers.  One is a mom of three grown children.  She knows what it's like.  She helps make it happen for me.  She takes charge so I can be home.  I love her.  I appreciate her.  The other is a mom of two small children.  When my son is wanting to pull me away from work on my Wednesdays from home and trying my patience at moments, it's my co-worker friend of the two small children that I call and laugh with.  She gets it.  She helps make it happen for me too.  I couldn't have this awesome schedule without my two ladies. 

Yeah, back to sleeping in a little this morning... It was nice.  Woke to my usual "mom... mom".  Went to his room, "Good morning, sunshine!"  "Mornin', mom.  Let's go to the den" (his playroom).  And off we went...  to the coffee pot, to make breakfast.  Opened the fridge.  It's full.  #3 HEALTHY FOOD.  Amen.  How blessed are we who can open the fridge to healthy food to feed our families.  Cinnamon toast, fresh-picked strawberries, cantaloupe and scrambled eggs with veggies.  Yum.  Brain food.  Thank you God for my many blessings... a job to have the means to fill my fridge to feed my family and a job that allows me to be home with my family.  Amen.

Day 1

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

First, the question: Why "Stop and Smell the Gardenias?" instead of the roses. Well, easy answer. This is an exercise in appreciating the beauty in life. I have gardenias planted on either side of my front door. As I leave my house in the morning and return in the evening, I see my gardenias. I love them. I appreciate them. I want them to be my reminder to "Smell the Gardenias" in all areas of my life. Plus, roses are cliche.

So, a lesson in thankfulness. For 21 days. Name 3 things for which I'm grateful. This will be easy. I do this daily anyway, right? I'd like to think so. We shall see, I suppose...

Today was easy at least... As I drove to work, in between blaring Zac Brown and guzzling my coffee, I thought... Today I shall be grateful for the 3 people who have already crossed my path today. I love them. I depend on them. I couldn't do what I do without them.

#1 - the light of my heart, my baby boy. He wakes me in the morning with the sweetest, "mom...mom" If I don't respond immediately, he waits patiently. God love him. I prayed for him and planned for him... for months, for years, really. He's more than I ever envisioned. More than I could have ever conjured he would be. He's fun and happy and polite and so freaking smart... So smart sometimes I worry that I'm not smart enough to be his mom. He's going to keep me on my toes. But, he's mine, and I'm eternally grateful.

#2 - the love of my life, my husband. We may not always agree on everything (and who would want to?), but I love his patience and the way he understands me, most of the time when I don't even understand myself. He challenges me. He makes me better. He makes me want to be a better version of myself. He's a rock for the family whom I admire. He makes me feel safe...and respected...and loved. I found him during a time in my life when I was searching... for truth... for compassion...for love. I am so grateful my path was led to his.

#3 - the caregiver of our child. She's deeply committed, eternally dependable, loving, fun, funny... I could not work outside of the home without her. When I leave on the days my baby boy is clinging to me and begging me not to leave, my heart is heavy. She arrives. She pulls out the trains, or cars or whatever... and makes him happy and content. I can go do what I do... trying to make a difference in other people's lives...to return later to the best (yet hardest) job on earth... that of being a mother. For THIS, the opportunity to be called "MOM", I am eternally thankful, grateful and blessed beyond measure.